I knew when we started this crazy thing, it would be a winding road of ups and downs, both literally and metaphorically. Hubby and I semi-joked to everyone that this was “probably the best and worst decision we have ever made.” Those words could not have proven more true.
There have been definite ups. If you follow my Instagram feed, you have seen some of the wonderful things that have come our way. We have been to national parks and many museums. We have sat by lakes and in the desert. All this in less than three months.
We look happy and we are in those moments. As is always the case, the pictures don’t show everything. Here’s a little of what those pictures do not show.
Instagram Pictures Don’t Lie
But They Don’t Always Show the Whole Truth
The pictures don’t show me frantically “sh”-ing my children and throwing every threat I know their way because it’s “quiet hours” in the park and they are still jumping from one bunk to another. LITERALLY. The kids can be heard plotting against us, usually led by Little Diva. “Let’s stay up all night!” To which , Sonny-Bunny responds, “sleep is for the weak.” I guess that’s why I am so strong.
The pictures don’t show how quickly 320 sq. feet can go from perfection to hoarder-ville. And what cabinets look like when I need to pull my
house trailer out in 30 minutes and I was too tired to put everything away in their proper Tetris position the night before. For years, my husband and I fought the stuff it in drawers vs. organize battle. Stuffing, and therefore Mr. Hero, is winning more often than not.
The pictures don’t show how much I freak out about finances. We are living on retirement and constantly face some paperwork snafu or another that asks us to go without money for a month or two. Sure, it gets caught up but that doesn’t help a lot in the moment. It doesn’t show my face when I realize that the truck is only get 10.8 miles per gallon when I planned for 13 mph. (When you drive hundreds of miles every few days, that difference adds up.) Or when I realize how much groceries cost at little town stores (I mean, seriously!)
Mostly, the pictures don’t show how many tears have been shed in so many places. We did this for a reason. It is easy to think this was a lark. And there are lark-like moments. But a lot led up to this. There are the days forever missed with Daddy — deployments, night shifts, time stolen by PTSD. There is the loss of love for school and learning. There is our feeling that we were losing our kids to a world of entitlement and keeping up with Kardashians and Pewdy-Pie. We can’t go back in time and “fix” anything. But last night, as I held Sonny-Bunny while we both cried, I said “we can make things right going forward”.
So, as you look through my Instagram feed and think, “wow, they’re having the time of their lives”, you will know the truth. Yes, we are. We are having the time of our lives and all that entails. We are having the best and worst time of our lives, all in one.